Consequence of Actions
by redelflady
Summary: Someone from Jayne's past has a very unexpected effect on the crew.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Firefly Fanfiction, love the show and the BDM. This takes place between the show and BDM.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

I do not own the rights to our friends on Serenity, just having a bit of fun!

Consequence of Actions

Chapter 1 - A Great Job.

Jayne woke with a start; he was breathing heavily and sweating. Ever on guard he didn't open his eyes till he was more aware of his surroundings. He was in his bunk, in his room and he was alone. Was the ship still flying? Yes, he could hear the engines. He listened for voices, talking or screaming - nothing.

He tried to remember what woke him. Dream. That was it, he'd been dreaming. What was the dream? He blinked a few times and tried to make himself remember. Sometimes dreams were important. They gave you clues to what going on around you. Other times, he chuckled to himself; they could be much more entertaining.

The dream had escaped him, but there was a residual that stuck in the back of his mind. A very intense sadness. He wasn't able to shake that for a few days.

________________________________________________________________________

She woke with a start, eyes wide open and trying to embrace the emotions that disturbed her sleep.

"Benu." She called without speaking. Her door opened and a tall, muscular man with long black hair hurried in.

"Priestess? Are you alright?" he whispered, his ice blue eyes showing concern.

"We have guests coming." This time she actually spoke.

"Is this a good time for guests?" he frowned.

"They are somehow a part of all of this. I don't know yet know how, but they are playing a very important roll. Here, let me show you where they will be and how we need to help them."

She sat up in bed and closed her eyes as Benu sat next to her and took her hand. She showed him the images in detail from her mind.

He nodded, "Why can't you see all of them? There are a few that are still in the shadows."

She opened her deep green eyes and looked at him, "I'm not sure. Maybe I am just not strong enough anymore."

He looked at her with sad eyes. Taking a tissue from her nightstand, gently wiped her nose.

"Bleeding again?" she asked softly.

"Yes." He cleaned her face and she smiled weakly at him. Even though she was a year younger than him, she seemed so much older today.

He looked at the reminder of her life before the sect, a scar that ran from her right earlobe and down her neck, across her throat ending at the top of her left shoulder.

He looked away from the brutal evidence of how life could be and wished he could take all of her pain away.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me Benu." She touched his shoulder, reading his emotions. "You have been such a blessing for me."

He looked down, "You have been a blessing for all of us Priestess."

She smiled at the sad young man, "You will be fine Benu, I have seen it."

"I don't feel it." He sighed.

"You will, please believe me. Prepare the rooms upstairs for our guests and make sure we have plenty of food and wine. Please make sure my good gowns are cleaned and ready to wear by next week."

He nodded, noting all of her requests mentally.

"You should rest." He squeezed her hand.

"I will. Come wake me in a while. Maybe I will have another dream that will tell me more about the last one."

He left her room, closing the door behind him. He stood on there trying to clear his mind. The day was fast approaching and he was not prepared. How could he say goodbye to her that had been his focus, his life for the past 12 years?

He called the fledglings and gave them the directions from the Priestess.

She lay back down in the large bed and distantly heard Benu's thoughts. She smiled to herself, knowing he would be fine when the time came. _______________________________________________________________________

"Sir, are you sure we want this job?" Zoe looked at Mal with wary eyes.

"Look, we just had a great job, not just great…a…..really great job! I just said that didn't I? Well it _was_ great and a great payoff for all of us. Then Fanty and Mingo offered a cool amount to just drop this data disk off. That's it, no stealin', no hurtin' nothing out of the way, just drop this off. They even paid us more just to do this! So, yes, we want this job!"

"But sir, it's so close to the Alliance core planets. If Fanty and Mingo thought it was safe, wouldn't they just do it themselves?' She wondered if he really didn't see this.

"I'm sure there is some chance of….bad things. But I have said we would do it and we will. Have Wash set the coordinates and find out how soon we will be to this planet, Judson. "

"Already did, and we will be there next week." She smiled coyly at him.

"See? This is why you are second in command. You anticipate what we need to do ahead of time." He smiled sarcastically back at her.

"Well if I was that good, I would have been able to tell you to NOT take this job before it was offered." She rolled her eyes as she walked away.

"Cap!" Kaylee hollered from the engine room, "We need a few parts, any chance we will be stopping somewhere soon?"

"Next week we will be planet side. Get me a list of what you need." He hollered back.

"Can I put a massage on that list?" she giggled.

"You can spend your money however you want Kaylee. I just don't wanna hear about it afterwards, ok?"

Jayne wandered in the galley looking for food. Mal had noticed that he was more sullen than usual the past few days.

"Jayne, we will be planet side next week. We need any ammo?"

"Where we goin'?" Jayne growled.

"Judson. Need to make a delivery for Fanty and Mingo."

"Pretty close to Alliance ain't it?"

"Ya'll been having meetings behind my back to discuss what to say to me about this job?" Mal was getting irritated now.

"Meetings? What meetings?" Jayne muttered with a mouth full of food.

"Never mind."

River wandered in the room, moving like she was chasing invisible butterflies. She stopped and glared at Jayne and then laughed. She then looked at Mal, "Judson will be fun. Lots of new people, new friends…" she looked at Jayne again, "And old friends too."

Jayne raised an eyebrow, "What old friends?"

She giggled and rolled her head tracing a line from her right earlobe and across her throat over to her left shoulder. "Why do you hurt people so?" She looked at him with all seriousness.

"Because it's fun." He answered loudly.

She shook her head and went looking for Shepherd; he sometime could make sense of her ramblings.

Mal was now beginning to wonder if this job was such a good idea. However it was too late to turn back now. They would just have to prepare for all things possible when they arrived next week.


	2. Chapter 2 The Priestess

Feed back is greatly appreciated. Like sprinkle on ice cream!

**Consequence of Actions**

**Firefly Fanfiction**

**By: Redelflady**

**Chapter 2**

"Priestess?" Benu called as he walked in the sanctuary.

She looked up from her prayers and smiled, "Is it time?"

He nodded. "All is prepared, would you like to change into your formal gowns now?"

"Yes, thank you." She started to rise from the pillow she was sitting on and felt dizzy.

He was quickly at her side with a steadying hand. Her health had worsened over the past few days. Benu tried to always be within her range of voice or mind. He felt how weak she was through contact with her hand.

Without a word between them, he picked her up and carried her delicate frame to her the bedroom and placed her on the bed. At 5'9" tall she had always been thin, but she had lost weight in the past month. Her already pale skin had an unhealthy pallor. Her long black hair usually hung down instead of being decorated with pins or put up in intricate buns and braids. Her usually dark and emotion filled green eyes were tired.

Yet he still thought she was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on.

"Rest Priestess. Once they are here, I will make sure you are prepared for audience." He sweetly brushed his fingertips along her cheek.

"I will be fine. Please send in Salas and she can help me get ready. You need to be the one to make sure our guests arrive here safely."

He leaned over and kissed her lips as she ran her fingers through his hair, "You know I love you Benu."

"Almost as much as I love you my Esmel." He whispered.

She smiled at him, "Go get our guests and I will be ready when you get back."

In a moment he was gone and Salas was there, drawing a hot bath and arranging her robes.

________________________________________________________________________

"Alright, Kaylee, Zoe and Wash go get parts for the ship. Jayne and I will get ammo and drop off this data disk. Shepherd, River and Simon will get food. We will meet back here in 1 hour. I see too many Alliance marks around here for me to feel comfortable. The first one of you that says 'Told you so' is dead. Understood?" Mal stood with his hands on his hips.

They disbanded and headed their separate ways, each group ready to be done and safely back on the ship. They all managed to get their shopping done and Mal delivered the data disk as they were paid to do. They hustle of the city was unnerving for Jayne, he liked the smaller, more backwards planets. Less Alliance and not so much noise.

"Jayne what is wrong with you?" Mal growled at him, "You are jumping at every sound."

"Don't know. Maybe I need a woman. Yeah, we got time for me to make a visit?"

Mal sighed, "Not right now, let's meet up and then we'll see what we want to do. But it won't be on this planet that's for gorram sure."

He was still nervous at all the Alliance signs and there were a few troops around, which they had managed to avoid. Jayne nodded, there was something about this whole trip, this planet, this day that had him on edge.

They all managed to meet up at the arranged spot, everyone with their supplies. River slipped up behind Jayne as he was scanning the crowd, she whispered, "Boo."

Jayne turned to her, eyes large and nostrils flared, "Do it again, little crazy person and you and me.."

"Your identification please?'

They all turned to see a small group of Alliance soldiers standing there. The leader had his hand out. "I need to see all of your identifications please."

Mal put on his most charming smile, "We are just on our way off planet after a little shopping, sir. We will get right out of your hair." He tried ushering the crew on towards the ship.

"Stop! Show us your I.D.s or you will come with us to headquarters." The lead officer put his hand on his gun.

Mal could see Jayne getting itchy, his hand hovering around his gun as well. This wasn't going to end well.

"Well, we certainly don't want you to go to any trouble for us sir…"

A tall man wearing a long blue robe approached the stand off. "Captain Rogers. These people are the guest of the Priestess." The young man spoke in a clear and commanding voice.

Captain Rogers looked at the young man, "Savant Benu. These people are here to see the Priestess?" His voice was suspicious.

"Yes, I was supposed to meet them and I was delayed in prayer." He turned to Mal, "I am sorry for my delay Malcolm."

Mal flinched at the use of his full name, he had no idea who this man was, but if it got them away from the soldiers he was willing to play along. "Well, it has caused us some issues, but I think we will be alright. Should we follow you to the…..Priestess?"

"Yes please." He handed Wash a slip of paper. "Please move your ship to this location Wash. We will be there when you arrive."

Captain Rogers was not at all happy with this turn of events. "I still want to see there I.D.s. Just because they are here to see the Priestess doesn't mean we don't have the right to ask."

"When they are done with their audience, you are more than welcome to ask. Right now we are late and I am already in trouble. So, please, let us go about our way." Benu smiled at him.

Mal looked and Wash and nodded, he took the parts from Kaylee, Shepherd took the food and medical supplies and they both jogged to the ship.

Benu waved the rest of the crew to follow him. They moved quickly before there were more protests. Mal observed Benu as they followed him, weaving in and out of the crowds. He was fairly tall, tanned and long wavy black hair. He seemed to be someone that was used to being in charge. After a few minutes of walking in silence, Mal cleared his throat, "Um, Benu was it? How is it that we have a meeting with your Priestess? Do we even know your Priestess? I think I would have remembered meeting a Priestess at some point."

Benu kept walking and smiled. "She knew you were coming last week."

River chimed in, "She is beautiful! I saw her last week, but she isn't feeling well." River frowned. "Jayne will be…..unhappy."

Jayne growled, "What are you talking about?"

Benu stopped, "River, wait till we are there. The Priestess is looking forward to meeting you all."

"Just how is it you know all of our names?" Jayne stood close to Benu trying to intimidate him.

"The priestess knows most of you. She saw your visit and we have been preparing. So please let's hurry before the Alliance has more questions." Benu was hardly intimidated by Jayne. He turned and started walking again. Mal glanced behind the group and Captain Rogers was following at a safe distance.

"OK people let's move it. We have to meet with a priestess!"


	3. Chapter 3

I appreciate those that bookmarked my story, I appreciate that.

I don't own those on Serenity, just weaving a tale.

Firefly Fanfiction

By: Redelflady

**Chapter 3**

The temple was huge, several stories and adorned with stones. There were too many windows to count, some were stained glass others were plain. There were flowers planted around the front, big blue Astrids closest to the door. To the side was a very large garden where several robed people were tending to the plants.

They walked in the foyer and it was open up to the ceiling at least 6 stories. It was done in smaller stones and accented in gold in a very ornate pattern. Shepherd and Wash were standing there absorbing the beauty of it all.

"Isn't this place great?" Wash said as Zoe took his hand.

Benu turned to Shepherd, "The sanctuary is to the right there if you would like a quiet area to pray. I believe there is already your religious book, the bible, I think you call it in your room."

Shepherd tilted his head, "How did you know that I would read the bible?"

Benu smiled, "Patience is a virtue."

Shepherd laughed at his quote, "You are right, we are just curious at how you know so much about us."

River was touching the walls of the room when she laughed and spun around, "She is ready for us now Benu. She says to hurry, she's tired."

Benu smiled, "You're right River, please follow me."

He led them down a hallway that was lined with tapestries. Beautiful, delicate and brightly colored tapestries that depicted stories of different religions throughout the 'Verse.

They entered a room at the end of the long hallway. It was a sitting room of sorts, lots of chairs and couches, all very warm and inviting. The room was decorated in beige and light browns with gold highlights. Just like the foyer, it was open to the top floor and the ceiling was glass making the room almost glow. A table to the side of the room was set for lunch. There was a smaller table with glasses and a bottle of yellow liquid.

Standing in front of the oversized fireplace was the Priestess. Her face was covered from her eyes down in a sheer green fabric, decorated with gem stones. Her robes were deep blue silk and covered her entirely. All that was visible was her beautiful black hair braided in an intricate design and her bright green eyes. Benu smiled at her, Salas had done a wonderful job getting her ready.

"Welcome guests!" she said warmly. "I am glad you are finally here!"

River ran to her and threw her arms around her neck.

"River!" Simon said sharply.

"It's alright Simon, she and I have been talking since you arrived. Haven't we young one?"

The Priestess brushed a hair from River's face, and hugged her tightly.

"Come River, I need to meet everyone." She took River's hand and walked to the group.

"Captain Reynolds." She bowed. Mal looked a little confused, but bowed back. She smiled at him and extended her hand, "Perhaps and handshake is more along the lines of what you are used to." He took her hand and smiled back at her. She held on to him for a moment and tilted her head.

"Don't worry, you are safe as long as you are here with us. We will make every effort to make sure you are able to leave safely as well."

He blinked a few times and nodded. She had answered the questions that he had been thinking.

She then bowed to Zoe and took her hand, and whispered. "I have a suite for you and Wash upstairs with a shower **and** a tub."

Zoe's mouth dropped open, "A real bath?"

The Priestess nodded and then took Wash's hand and bowed. She then blushed, "Zoe will have to take care of that for you."

Zoe smacked Wash on the arm, "Stop it!"

Wash shrugged, "I'm sorry, she said tub, in our room…."

The priestess laughed, "Don't worry; you can be late for breakfast in the morning."

She next moved to Kaylee, bowed and took her hand as well. "Tomorrow, I have arranged for Vaosh to give you a massage. As Captain Reynolds says, we just don't need to hear about it." Kaylee smiled from ear to ear, "Is he cute?"

The Priestess laughed, "Very."

Next was Shepherd, she bowed deeper to him and took his hand. "Thank you for joining us, I look forward to discussing theology with you tomorrow. We will have a service in the morning, you are more than welcome to attend if you would like."

"I would like that, thank you."

"As Benu told you we have a bible waiting for you and some other books you may find of interest."

"Thank you Priestess, I look forward to talking with you in depth tomorrow."

Simon bowed to her and extended his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Priestess."

She bowed back to him and stared at him for a few minutes, standing completely still.

"She will find some peace here Simon, but with peace will come new questions. I wish I could tell you more but River is very important to many people, most of which don't even know her yet." The Priestess squeezed River's hand.

"River." Simon implored, "Please let her go."

She shook her head angrily. "No, she needs my energy. She is weak and tired. Benu, her nose is bleeding again."

Benu brought her a tissue and she turned away from the guests as he helped clean her face again. River looked at Simon, "She can't show us her face until she has shared wine with us. It is part of her sect doctrine. That is why there are glasses over there with the yellow wine."

Benu smiled at River, "Slow down young one. We'll get there."

"I know! I just want to see her face." She bounced up and down.

"She still has one more to meet, be patient River."

Benu looked at her face under the fabric. "You are fine. Are you sure you don't want to sit down?" he whispered.

"Not yet, but I will very soon. Have Salas pour the wine please."

She turned to Jayne, he was eyeing her closely. He wanted no part of pomp and circumstance, in particular where religion was concerned. He looked at her eyes and for just a moment, something about them seemed familiar. She shakily extended her hand and bowed slightly. He reached out and carefully took her hand, it looked like she was going to faint. He felt a surge of emotions race from their conjoined hands directly to his heart, pain, love, anger, hate and overwhelming sadness. He took in a sharp breath and he saw her eyes roll up, he caught her as she fainted. Benu directed him to a couch and Jayne carefully laid her there.

"I didn't do anything!" Jayne protested, "Mal, I didn't do nothing. She just took my hand and then fell."

Simon bent down and took her pulse. "She is very weak. Is she on medication of some kind?"

Benu shook his head, "No."

"She needs a hospital; I can't determine what is wrong with her here."

"No hospital, but thank you Simon. River can you hold her hand please?" Benu smiled at her.

River sat on the floor and held the Priestess' hand up to her cheek, she closed her eyes and willed energy to her. A few moments later the Priestess opened her eyes, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle everyone." She looked over at River. "Thank you young one."

Benu helped her sit up, River still holding on to her hand, "Benu, let's have the wine so I can take the official robes off please."

Benu nodded and motioned for Salas to bring the glasses of wine.

Mal knelt down in front of her, "Um. Priestess ma'am, let me just apologize if Jayne did something to make you faint, he's a little rough around the edges and well…."

"A little?" Kaylee snorted.

"Hey! I told you I didn't do nothin' to her." Jayne was louder this time.

"Please, let's all have a sip of wine." She held her glass up and toasted, "To new friends."

Everyone took a glass and toasted with the yellow wine. River held up her glass and looked at Jayne, "And to old friends rediscovered."

They all stared at her but toasted anyway. Benu looked at the Priestess and questioned that in his mind. "All in good time." She replied back the same.

"Salas please serve lunch!" River helped her stand up and she took off her facial cover. They were all stuck at her pale beauty and the large scar from her ear to her shoulder. She also took off her outer robes and was comfortable in a bright blue tank dress that was long enough to drag behind her. River traced the scar on her neck with her finger and glared at Jayne.

"River, stop it." Simon chided.

"Come let's eat some lunch. You all must be starved." She took River's hand and directed them to the table.

They were all hungry, it had been a while since they had eaten a full meal. Lunch was of fresh cooked vegetables from the garden and still warm bread.

She sat with them and picked at her food. Benu knew she was beyond exhausted now; she needed to lie down and sleep. He made that thought to her and she smile, "In a few minutes." She thought back.

They were all eating and talking, relaying tales of jobs good and bad. When the Priestess laughed, again for just a brief moment, Jayne thought there was something familiar about her. He couldn't put his finger on it, like a dream from years ago that was just around the fringe of his mind. He noticed that besides the large scar on her neck there was a scar on the ring finger of her right hand. He chewed his bread and continued to watch her, trying to remember what he might know of her.

She stood up, and all conversation stopped. "I am going to lie down for a while, I apologize. Please finish your lunch and Salas will show you to your rooms upstairs. Dinner will be at 6:30 tonight."

River clapped, "Please tell us a story after dinner, you tell wonderful stories!"

Benu nodded, "The Priestess is a very good at storytelling."

"Thank you Benu, River. I will see how the evening goes." She bowed at them. She took a step and stumbled catching herself on the table. Benu was at her side before anyone realized he had stood up. He scooped her up and quickly carried her into her chambers.

River tried to follow but Simon stopped her, "River, let her rest. Stay out here with us."

They finished their meal in relative silence. Salas was there to show them to their rooms when they were done.

"Please remember to be downstairs at 6:30 tonight for dinner. If you need anything from your ship, please let me know and I or Wash can escort you there." Salas bowed low to them and quickly left. They all retired to their rooms eager to actually bathe. Simon and River were sharing a room with bedrooms separated by a common living area.

"River don't leave without letting me know. She needs to rest. Can you see what is wrong with her?"

"Yes, but……there is nothing that can be done to fix her. She is broken beyond repair." She frowned.

Benu laid her down on the bed; she was so tired she couldn't open her eyes.

"Esmel are you alright?" he stroked her face. He heard a faint answer in his mind, "Tired……Love."

He kissed her forehead, "I love you Esmel, sleep and I will come get you before dinner."

There was no answer. He covered her with the sheet and stood staring at her for a few minutes, he didn't know how he was going to survive without her. He went to check on the guests and they were already upstairs. He made sure the formal dining room was set and checked on the menu. All was as it should be. He reached out to River to let her know that the Priestess was sleeping. River gave him a long winded thank you which made him chuckle.

He quietly went back in to check on her. She was still sleeping. He took off his official robes and in his under robe laid down next to her. Even in deep sleep she knew he was there and rolled over sliding her arms around him. He held her tightly, just listening to her breathe. She moaned in her sleep and he kissed her cheek. "I'm right here." He whispered, trying to will away her pain. Hoping her last few days would be as pleasant as they could be.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you very much to those that gave me such wonderful feedback and bookmarked, I really appreciate it!!!

I don't own the crew on Serenity, just having some fun.

Firefly Fanfiction

By: Redelflady

Consequence of Actions

**Chapter 4**

At dinner that night everyone was well rested and hungry again. Mal was still somewhat suspicious as to why they were really there. He wanted some answers, without biting the hand that was feeding and housing them so well.

"So Priestess, how is it that you knew we were coming to visit here?" Mal said between bites of a very tasty steak.

She smiled and looked at River, "Well Captain Reynolds, I had a dream last week that you were coming and the part that all of you will play in events of the next week."

He glanced up at her, "Next week? We stayin' that long?"

"Well, you can leave anytime you want, but the Alliance ship that is circling the planet would like a word with your crew if you were to leave now."

"You just think they are gonna let us leave in the next week?" his palms were getting sweaty. Had they managed to trap themselves here?

"You are safe as long as you are here with us. They won't be leaving soon, but you **will** have a chance to leave without their detection."

"How is that gonna happen?"

"We will discuss that in a day or two. For tonight let's have a nice dinner." She smiled.

"Well, just as well as you would like to wait, I need to know now. How is it we are going to get a chance to leave without that ship noticin' that we're leavin'?"

She sighed, this was not how the conversation was to go, but all things were for a higher purpose she reminded herself. "My funeral." She said quetly.

Everyone except Benu and River looked at her in shock. "Your funeral?" Zoe asked.

"Yes, I am dying and next week I will pass to the next life. Your crew will somehow play a part in this and during my funeral you will have a chance to sneak away."

Mal looked at her with his mouth wide open, "I'm sorry. I never heard anyone speak so….calmly about their own death. It don't seem right."

"I am sure in where I am going Captain Reynolds, that lends me comfort. My only concern is my loved ones that I am leaving behind." She looked at Benu who refused to meet her gaze.

"Well since we are to become fast friends in the next week, please call me Mal. No need for formalities."

She nodded, "You and your crew may call me by my given name, Raesmel."

Jayne looked up, that name, where did he know that name from? River rolled her eyes and looked at Raesmel. "No." she answered with her mind, "All things in their right time young one."

Jayne stared hard at her, trying to jog his memory.

"Jayne!" Kaylee called.

"What?!" he yelled.

"Stop staring, it's rude."

"I…. I'm not staring. I'm thinking….just leave me alone." He slammed down his fist on the table.

"Please, everyone take a deep breath. Tell me Mal, how did you assemble your crew?" Benu inquired.

Mal spent a while spinning the tales of how he persuaded each one of the crew to join him. He even mentioned Inara who was now living at the Companion training house. Raesmel detected the sense of sadness that he tried so hard to not let show.

"Priestess, please tell us a story?" River asked anxiously.

"River, I'm not going to tell the story tonight. I am too tired. Tomorrow night alright?"

River scowled and glared at Jayne, who glared back at her.

Mal rolled his eyes at the warring shipmates. "Well thank you for a wonderful meal. Since it seems we may be staying a while, we mean to earn our keep. How can we help out around here?"

Benu bowed his head, "That is very kind of you Captain. We do have some minor repairs that could be done. There is always work in the gardens and there is a school on the grounds that can use extra hands, the children are very rambunctious."

Kaylee's eyes lit up, "Children? I can help with them!"

"Thank you Kaylee, I will show you the school after dinner. There is also a small ship that is in need of repairs. We don't go off planet much and we don't have anyone to do regular maintenance on it."

Mal nodded, "Wash, Jayne and I can take a look at that for you. If we need engine help we will holler at Kaylee."

"If everyone is done, then shall we take a walk outside? We can show you where the work is needed." Raesmel said as she stood up. Benu took her hand and they walked out of the back of the temple. The suns were setting low in the sky; it was beautiful with the blue clouds tinged by the multiple orange planets heading to the horizon.

The crew saw how much larger the garden was than they thought. "What we don't eat we give back to the needy in the community." Raesmel explained. They wandered through the flower garden and Benu picked a lavender rose and handed it to her. She smiled and kissed his cheek.

Shepherd approached them, "I…. I have a question if you don't mind."

"Please." Raesmel smiled at him.

"Most religious sects don't approve of……well; it is obvious that the two of you are more than just friends."

Raesmel looked at Benu for a moment and thought, "You answer that one my love. I'm getting tired." Benu nodded. "Our sect actually encourages having multiple spouses, making a more communal atmosphere. However, my love does not agree with that doctrine and in fact has refused every single one of my proposals. We couldn't be any closer if we were married, but she does not approve."

"Doesn't that cause problems with your main church, that you don't follow doctrine?"

"No, we send them the monthly allotment of money and they leave us alone. We are an offshoot of the Alliance Civil Sanctuary. They don't believe in giving back to the community, only in taking and giving to the Alliance. We have found a way to….circumvent that."

Shepherd nodded, "If I may Raesmel, you two seem so much in love. Why have you not accepted his proposals?"

She looked at him with very sad eyes, "You have asked, but I will not answer Shepherd Book."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend." He bowed.

"You didn't offend at all. Just not a question I care to discuss." She squeezed Benu's hand.

River looked at Jayne and hissed. "Stop it." Raesmel commanded.

"What is wrong with you?" Jayne yelled at River. "Stop staring at me!"

"Jayne!" Mal yelled back, "Leave her be."

"Tell her to let me alone Mal, she's giving me the willies." Jayne stalked away.

River wandered over to a small flower garden and was looking at the lilies when several butterflies landed on her arms. She froze in panic, "Simon!" She whispered. He looked at her and smiled, "Butterflies, they like you River." She put her finger under a large yellow one and was amazed when the creature obliged and stood on her finger. Her eyes became huge and she began to laugh. She walked around the garden and deposited the butterflies on flowers as she wandered. She skipped around the garden, happy and humming.

"We have a barn there." Benu pointed north. "There are lots of animals, including Geese, Wash."

Wash smiled and grabbed Zoe's hand, "Come on hon, I'm gonna show you some juggling!"

Mal and Jayne went to look at the ship, which looked worse for the wear.

"I am tired now, Simon would you mind if River escorted me back to the temple? Benu can show you all the rest of the grounds."

"Would you mind if I joined you Raesmel?"

She nodded slightly and took River's hand as Simon followed them. They walked slowly to the temple, River sharing her energy with Raesmel.

"Priestess I am a doctor, as I am sure you are aware. There might be something we can do about your illness. Have you been to a hospital?" Simon wanted to know more about what was ailing her.

She led them into the sanctuary where she knelt in front of the alter saying her evening prayers. River mimicked her actions on a pillow next to her. Several other worshipers smiled at the young girl. As he bowed his head respectfully Simon wondered if she had even heard his question. After a few moments the Priestess stood up and turned to him. "I have been to the doctor and as River says, I am broken beyond repair."

She walked by him and back down the hall to her sitting area, where the remnants of dinner had already been cleared away. She poured two glasses of wine and gave one to Simon. "I have, in your terms, a very rare cancer of the brain. Some would say it is the curse of my gift, as I was told when my gift was......discovered, so to speak. It is not treatable and I am at peace with that. I only worry about Benu, leaving him behind." She sat down on the couch and River sat at her feet watching her every move with great interest, mimicking her hand gestures. "I know that this illness is the will of the Goddess, and I know that all things are for the greater good. But he is so sad and I worry for him."

She took a sip of the wine and looked off in the distance.

"What worries you the most about leaving him?" Simon asked.

"She worries that he will remember her for too long or that he will forget her too soon." River answered.

Raesmel looked at the young girl. "You read my mind too well young one." She brushed River's hair behind her ear.

Simon looked at River and back at Raesmel, "Can you see her future? What will happen to her when she is grown?" He was almost afraid to ask, the answer might be worse than not knowing.

River tilted her head at Simon, "She can but she won't say. The Goddess has said that my future is only for me to know." She pulled a rose from her pocket and crushed the flower, smelling deeply of the essential oils that were released.

"You know your future River?" Simon looked concerned.

She nodded and handed the crushed rose to Raesmel, "But all things can be subject to free will, I think anyway."

They looked up as Jayne walked in the room, he stopped and looked at the three of them and grunted. He poured a glass of wine and stood there staring at them. River started to get up and Simon glanced at her, she sat back down pouting, arms crossed.

Jayne kept his eyes on River as he sat down in a chair across from them. There was an awkward silence in the room. "The suns are almost down, getting' dark out there." Jayne mumbled. "I'll work on your ship tomorrow, needs a lot of work, gonna take a few days to fix up." He gulped a mouthful of the wine. He glanced at the Priestess again; who was this woman who was so calm about her own death? How come she wasn't fighting to live?

She suddenly stood up and bowed, "If you will excuse me, I am going to retire for the night. I will see you all in the morning." She exited the room and closed the door to her private quarters. She did feel exhausted and her head ached from all the activity River brought to her mind. What she was trying to hide from Benu until tomorrow evening was also making her weak. He was so much stronger than she was now; it was hard to hide her thoughts. The Goddess had determined that he hear this story for the first time just like the guests, there were lessons in what was to be told. She ran a bath and put the crushed rose petals in the warm water. Shortly the whole room smelled of roses. She soaked for a few minutes before reaching out to Benu to let him know she was going to bed. She could feel his concern, "I am just tired my love." She said out loud to the empty room. She dried off and put on her favorite sleep robe and gleefully climbed in the comfy bed. In just a few moments she was asleep.

Later Benu came into her room and stood there watching her peaceful slumber. He showered and joined her, sliding his arm under her neck and pulling her close to him. The smell of roses on her made him smile. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "My sweet Esmle." She smiled in her sleep, pulling closer to him.

Jayne went to bed with a headache, still angry he could not remember this gorram Priestess woman. He drank a bottle of wine to help rid himself of his headache, but it only served to increase his pain. Sometime late in the night he woke, sitting straight up in his bed, sweating, breathing hard and his head was throbbing. His hand was clutching at his neck, dreaming that someone has just cut him with a cleaver from his right earlobe down his neck, across his throat ending at the top of his left shoulder. The sadness that permeated his being from the nightmare felt like it would drown him. He stood up and stalked around the room, trying to shake the feeling, he couldn't take this emotion, this overwhelming heartbreak and sadness. He suddenly turned and punched the stone wall with all the energy he could, feeling skin, tendon and bone give way. Pain, lots of pain, that was a feeling he could understand, he could tolerate.

In a room a few doors down River nodded, it was the least he deserved she thought. Of all the things she could have done to him, letting him feel just some of the fear and pain he had caused was minor. She was glad the Priestess was asleep, she would not have approved. River laid her head back down, falling asleep with a smile on her face.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you very much to everyone that provided feedback, it is most appreciated.

I don't own our friends on Serenity, just enjoying their company.

Fanfiction by: Redelflady

**Chapter 5**

The next morning found Benu performing the early service in the temple. The Priestess had not felt well when she woke up and decided to stay in bed. Shepherd enjoyed the view of this different religion; he was looking forward to discussing doctrine with Raesmel. Most of the crew was working outside or in the school. River was enjoying the butterflies in the garden again as Simon helped pick vegetables.

Raesmel slowly wandered out of her room and sat in the living room, she was feeling weak this morning. She wanted to conserve her energy for the events of the upcoming evening. Lost in thought she looked up as Jayne walked in, both surprised to see each other there. He had assumed everyone would be outside. She noticed the fabric on his hand which was already blood-soaked again.

"You're hurt." It was purely a statement; she inflected no emotion in her voice.

"It's nothin'." He said gruffly.

"It's not good, you're bleeding on the floor." She stood up and slowly walked over to him.

"Sorry." He growled as he looked at the floor, speckled with red.

She took a handkerchief from the pocket in her gown and placed it in her hand, she didn't need to touch his skin and feel those emotions again. She gently took his injured hand and led him to a small medical room off of the main hall. He followed her without question or hesitation. She sat him on a stool and carefully unwrapped his hand. She winced at the pain he felt but would never express.

She poured warm water over the injured area and looked at him. "You most likely have broken bones. You probably need some stitches."

She almost smiled at him, but then looked away. He watched her curiously in her long blue robes, standing so close to him.

"Did you hurt yourself working on the ship?" she asked.

"No. Ruttin' dream last night." He stared at her scar following its path down to her shoulder. "Where….how do I..." he started to ask.

She turned, avoiding his eyes and walked past him, "Simon will be here in a moment, he will help you."

He watched as she left, gown dragging the floor behind her. He shook his head, somehow he needed to figure all of this out.

Simon walked in and River was right behind him. "What did you do?" Simon asked exasperated.

River giggled and picked up a handful of cotton balls, looking at Jayne's hand. She looked him in the eyes, "Now you feel some of the pain." She smiled and ran out of the room, dropping the cotton balls behind her like a breadcrumb trail. Jayne frowned and looked at Simon, "Just fix it."

Simon sighed and set out supplies. A while later Jayne's hand was sewn up in a few spots and wrapped motionless. There was no way to x-ray his hand without going to an Alliance hospital, so he would just have to deal with how it healed. He seemed fine with that, only yelling at Simon a few times for hurting him. River occasionally stuck her head in the room and threw fresh picked Astrids at Jayne.

Raesmel walked outside and saw Shepherd and Benu having a very animated conversation in the garden. Sitting on one of the many benches and looking at his bible, they were both smiling. Benu looked up as she approached, "Are you feeling better?"

"Some. Thank you." She bowed slightly, "I assume that we do not have to discuss doctrine now Shepherd?" She smiled.

"I think Benu has been representing your beliefs very well Priestess." Shepherd stood up and bowed to her. "Now if you will excuse me, I think I will go get my hands dirty in the garden."

Esmel sat down next to Benu and put her head on his shoulder.

"My love, what is it you are trying so hard to hide from me? Now, that……the time is so short." He whispered to her.

She sat up and looked in his beautiful eyes, "All will be said and done tonight. There are lessons to be learned, I have seen it. It's not that I want to hide this from you, but that you can't know it yet. You will tonight." She sighed. "Things are a little fuzzy for me sometimes Benu. But you must believe that above all things, I love you." She absently rubbed her forehead.

"I worry, all of these last minute guests, the Alliance looking at them. This…..Jayne, he thinks he knows you. Next week is coming much too fast Esmel. I…. I don't want to be without you." He caressed her cheek and she fought the tears that wanted to flow.

"I will always be with you no matter where you are." She touched his chest next to his heart. He felt a warm and peaceful sensation flow from her hand into his very being.

"I am going to go pray for a while and take a nap before dinner. Will you make sure that all of our guests are present for dinner?" She smiled at him.

"Of course. Dinner at 6:30, we will all be there." He kissed her cheek.

She stood up and almost immediately started to fall. Benu caught just as her wrist hit the edge of the stone bench. She gasped at the pain as he swept her up in his arms and quickly carried her to the temple. He called River and she followed gathering up Simon along the way. He took her through the temple and into her quarters, Jayne was just finishing breakfast saw them walk by and followed.

Benu laid her on the bed and asked Simon to attend to her wrist. Her eyes were half open and she had a very unhealthy pallor. River climbed up on the large bed and took her other hand. She held it very tightly to her cheek and closed her eyes. Raesmel closed her eyes while Simon wrapped her wrist.

"Nothing broken that I can tell." He whispered to Benu, keeping an eye on River.

River opened her eyes and looked at Benu, "She's better but she needs to sleep for a while. I will make sure she is better by dinner." River smiled at him while stroking Raesmel's hand. Both men turned to leave and saw Jayne standing there staring at her, his eyes locked on her face.

"Do you need something Jayne?" Benu asked.

Jayne looked at him, "No. Just wondered if she's alright was all." He turned and walked out of the room.

Simon shrugged and looked at River, "If you need me…"

River nodded, "We will be fine. Benu, she wants to make you are alright."

"I'm fine, please tell her I am fine." His voice betrayed the hurt he felt inside for his love.

The rest of the crew worked around the temple and in the school, Jayne eventually helping Mal with some repairs on the ship. Kaylee made fast friends with some of the children attending the school, helping them with arts and crafts, Zoe and Wash helping out with the animals. It was hard to keep Wash away from the Geese.

They all cleaned up in time for dinner and headed downstairs. Raesmel was waiting for them as they arrived, looking radiant and beautiful. She was not wearing her robes but a long dress in a shade of green that make her eyes sparkle.

She greeted each crew member as they arrived, Benu at her side. There was an air of frivolity at dinner, everyone laughing and sharing stories. Even the Priestess shared stories of when she first joined the sect and some of her misadventures with the ruling Priest. The yellow wine flowed freely and soon dinner was done. They retired to the sitting area in the main chamber. Benu helping Raesmel get situated in a chair as River sat at her feet holding her hand.

"Thank you River. I will need all the energy I can get tonight." She whispered. Jayne sat on the couch, irritated that Simon was sitting next to him.

Salas offered everyone a more yellow wine, "So tell us your story Priestess." River encouraged.

"Shepherd you must speak to River about Job and patience sometime." Raesmel laughed.

They all chuckled, "I will do that. I have to say I am very interested in hearing your story." He sat up eagerly.

She glanced at Benu, "Well then I will start." She bit her lip and said to his mind, "No matter what happens, remain calm my love. I am depending on you to think clearly."

He tilted his head to the side and answered her. "What story are you telling? Why would there be problems?"

"It is a story you have never heard. Remember I love you."

Mal cleared his throat, "You gonna start tellin' or just talk to him with your mind?"

She looked up and blushed, "My apology to you all. Just some minor details."

She squeezed River's hand, "Here we go young one."

_Many years ago on a small planet near the Alliance core, on a beautiful Saturday morning a young girl walked in the local market with her Mother, looking for a new dress. One of her friends was having a birthday party and she insisted on having the prettiest dress at the party. Normally she hated going to the market, but she wanted to be sure her Mother would pick the prefect dress. She was the only child of very doting parents, both of which were devoted to and worked for the Alliance. She was 16 years old and had everything she could have ever wanted. All she had to do was ask, and it was hers. On this day she grew bored of her Mother who was talking with a neighbor instead of looking for her dress. She wandered through the stands of goods and happened across a young man who was working a booth full of fresh vegetables. She was taken with him as soon as she saw him. He was tall and roguishly handsome. He had a spark in his eyes she had never seen before. There was an aura about him she was immediately drawn to. He was so quick to smile and helpful to everyone that stopped by._

Jayne took a deep breath; this was all starting to become clear, frighteningly clear. But it couldn't be, could it? He stared at her and tried to…..he shook his head. It just couldn't be. He wiped his sweating palm against his chest.

_She slowly walked up to his stall and smiled at him, shyly casting her eyes down and back up again. "Well hello there." He winked at her and her heart skipped a beat. "Hello." She shyly answered. "What can I get for you today?" His smile was enough for her to blush. _

"_Star fruit, I would like some star fruit." It was the only thing she could think to say. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. He could have handed her tomatoes and she would have never known. "How many would you like?" She gulped, "5 please." She had no idea what they would do with 5 of them, but she didn't care. As long as they were talking to each other she felt giddy. She watched him wrap the fruit a bag and start to hand it to her but he stopped. "Wait right there." He ducked behind the curtain in the back of the stand and came out a moment later. He handed her the bag and a beautiful purple Astrid. "A beautiful girl should always have flowers." He whispered. She almost fainted, he has called her beautiful! _

"_Thank you." She couldn't keep the smile from her face. "What's your name?" he asked her boldly. She had to take a few breathes. "My folks call me.."_

"Esmel." Jayne said loudly. His mind was spinning. "They called you Esmel." His face was pale. "But I called you Astrid, because you were more beautiful than any gorram flower on that whole planet."


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to everyone who offered feedback, I really appreciate it!

I don't own our friends on Serenity, just havin' some fun.

Firefly Fanfiction

By: Redelflady

**Chapter 6**

Mal looked at Raesmel and back at Jayne. "What am I missing here?"

Kaylee answered, "She is the girl in the market and Jayne is the boy selling vegetables."

"Jayne sold vegetables?" Wash laughed.

Zoe glared at him, "Hush."

Benu stood up, pointing at Jayne, "He's the one??" his voice echoed off of the walls.

"Please sit down. Remember, I need you to stay calm for me Benu." She reminded him.

Benu was so angry he was shaking, "How can you invite that…..that _thing_ in our house? He caused you so much pain!"

Jayne stood up, "I didn't do anythin', and just who the _hell_ are you anyway?" Jayne took a step towards Benu and Esmel stood up. "STOP THIS!" Her voice took on an otherworldly quality and resonated throughout off the stone walls. Everyone in the room froze.

River was still holding her hand, glaring at Jayne, "Remember you said you liked hurting people because it was fun?"

Jayne felt a pressure starting to build in his head, this couldn't be, how could he cause this? It was all very clear but he could not grasp how it could be. "How did that happen?" He demanded pointing at the scar on her neck.

"Please stop this. Everyone….." She felt her head aching.

"Benu!' River called, "She's bleeding again."

Benu tore his glare from Jayne to see Esmel start to fall. He caught her before she collapsed to the floor. The couch was cleared and he laid her down, Zoe putting a pillow under her head. Benu carefully wiped her face. "Esmel?" he whispered. There was no response. He stroked her head and called her name again. Her eyes fluttered, "Benu?"

"I'm here my love." He smiled at her. She could see tears in his eyes. "Please, you have to be calm. I need him to know the consequence of his actions." She spoke to his mind, "There is a lesson in this for you too my Benu. Be patient."

Everyone in the room turned to look at Jayne. "How could I be the cause of _that_?" he gestured to her neck. River looked at him, "And this one too." She held up Esmel's right hand and pointed to her ring finger. He just stared, not blinking, his breath coming in short gasps. "I ….. I never lifted a finger to hurt you Esmel." He muttered.

"Don't say her name, you have no right." Benu glowered at him.

"Help me sit up." She patted Benu on the shoulder. "Please everyone sit down. I will finish the story."

Benu sighed and helped her sit up on the couch. Everyone gathered around, sitting on the floor and on the table in front of the couch. River was still holding on to her hand, trying to help. Jayne sat on a chair directly across from her, he wanted to know how this could have ever been his fault.

"_My folks call me Esmel." She couldn't wait to hear him say her name. "Esmel? I like that." She melted. "My name is Jayne." He said proudly. She liked it. "Jayne. It's a good name." He nodded, "It took some getting used to, but I like it." She heard her Mother calling. "I have to go now…..Jayne." She giggled. "I hope you come back to see me soon, Esmel." They both nodded and she walked to her Mother, "I think we have found you a dress my dear."_

_Every weekend for a month she accompanied her Mother to the market, something she usually hated to do. Her Mother never questioned why her daughter had a sudden interest in going to the market. Every time they were there she would slip away and see Jayne. She loved the look on his face when he saw her walking down the aisle to his stall. She would always blush, looking down and then back up at him. He told her he loved the pink on her cheeks when she saw him. _

Despite his demeanor, Esmel could tell Jayne was having trouble controlling his anger. He didn't want to hear this, but some part of him was making him stay. Making him hear the truth of what he caused. She had not taken her eyes off of him since she started telling the story again. It was like only the two of them were in the room. Benu tried to reach her mind, but she was closed off at the moment.

_Finally her Mother discovered the reason for her sudden interest in the market. "Who is this young man?" She asked curtly, walking up behind them as they were talking. _

"_Mother!" She blushed, "This is Jayne. Jayne this is my mother Mrs. Freeston." _

_Jayne bowed his head per tradition. "Mrs. Freeston. I am pleased to meet you."_

_She snorted at him, "Esmel, let's go." She grabbed her hand and tried to take her away. "Mother, stop! I want to talk with him for a few minutes." She was not used to being told no. "He is beneath you Esmel! We don't carry on conversations with people of his station." _

"_You're embarrassing me Mother stop!" she tried to pull away from her Mother's grasp. _

"_You will come home now young lady!" she dragged her away as she cried, looking at Jayne. He looked heartbroken, but he couldn't leave the stand. Just a moment away would leave the stand open to theft and that would mean his family wouldn't be able pay their rent. _

_The next morning she woke up to find him standing outside her window, with a bunch of Astrids in his hand. She opened the window quietly, the sun was just coming up behind him and she thought he looked so handsome. She took the flowers and in return gave him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled and now he blushed. "I will come by to see you every morning my Astrid." He promised. She nodded, "I will be waiting." He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "You are more beautiful than any flower in the 'verse." He ran off before she could say anything else. _

Jayne remembered those mornings; they were some of the happiest in his life. Picking flowers on the way to her house. He was so happy to see her in that window waiting on him, big smile on her face shining brighter than the rising sun. This beautiful creature that loved him, how could he have been so lucky?

_As time progressed, she started sneaking out of the house after bedtime and they would walk the woods together, talking of their lives, past, present and future. She could never imagine meeting someone she would love more than him. After a few months they exchanged their first "I love you". It was a wonderfully magic night, the moon was so bright and big in the night time sky and her heart felt like it would burst. He told her she meant the world, all the worlds to him. The way he touched her, the taste of her lips, her laugh, he told her how it drove him mad. He wanted to spend all day, every day for the rest of his life with her. She could just get lost in his eyes, feeling safe and loved in his arms. She could never imagine being with anyone but him. _

_After a year of seeing each other in secret he offered her his hand in marriage. He had a friend from the market that was a blacksmith make her a ring. It was beautiful, four types of metal all intertwined in waves. That night he got down on his knee and proposed. He couldn't offer her all the things her parents had, not by far. But he could offer her his undying love, and that he promised. _

Esmle stopped and looked at River, she quickly got up and poured a glass of wine, bringing it to her and taking her place back at her feet. The room was silent, only the sound of their collective breathing. Jayne's eyes were closed remembering what she was about to tell. He had managed to lock that part of his life away, so he wouldn't have to remember but it was all coming back to him clearly. When he opened his eyes, Esmel was looking at him again.

_That next day, they approached her parents at dinner. Her father was very unhappy with this young man, with the dirt under his fingernails and his dirty work apron. Jayne requested their daughter's hand in marriage. Her mother had laughed at the absurd idea, her father however, requested time to think about it. He requested that Jayne come back the next day at the same time for their answer. They were both encouraged by this, at least he was considering their request. He smiled at her as she walked him out, "I love you Esmel. I will see you in the morning." He kissed her and left to walk home. She was so beside herself that her father had not said no. She was on cloud nine when she went to bed. It took forever to fall asleep. _

Jayne looked at her, their eyes locked. "Don't do this." He thought. "You need to know what happened." She said back to his mind. He sighed, "Don't you think I feel bad enough?" She shook her head slightly, "No, you don't. You didn't even know who I was when you got here Jayne." The way he heard her say his name made him wince.

Benu watched the exchange but could not hear it. It was driving him crazy. "Stop." He whispered to her. She reached out and touched his face, "It's almost done, my love." Jayne saw the exchange between them and ached for the time when she felt that way about him.

_The next morning she was up at the usual time, standing at her window. She waited and waited, he was late. In over a year he had never been late, he was always there when the sun was coming up hands full of Astrids. Now the sun was over the horizon and he was not to be seen. She worried something had happened to him. Maybe he was hurt going home last night, what if he was laying by the road? She grabbed her cloak and headed for the front door. Her father was sitting there in his chair, drinking something that smelled very strong. "Where are you going young lady?" he asked, slurring his words. _

"_Jayne, I need to check on Jayne. He…" _

"_He won't be here for his morning visit today or any other day." He stood up on unsteady feet. _

"_What? Why?" She screamed at him. Her heart was racing, what had he done to Jayne?_

"_I paid him to leave. You wouldn't believe how cheaply he thought of you. Just took his 30 pieces of silver and left you, his mother and his sister here." _

_He giggled in a very frightening way. "I see you still have the hideous ring he gave you. Give it to me Esmel." He held out his shaking hand. _

"_No. You're lying, he wouldn't leave me, he loves me. He proposed to me, you must have hurt him." She was backing away from him as he slowly moved towards her. "I won'th have people see you were to marry someone like him. Give me the ring!" He grabbed something from the table and took another step. _

"_No! You killed him didn't you? He wouldn't leave me!" She was crying so hard she could barely see. _

"_Are you telling me you don't believe me?" he screamed at her. "I am your father, he is __**no one**__, a farmer's son! You think you love a farmer's son?!?" his words were almost incoherent. _

_She saw her mother out of the corner of her eye watching the scene play out, wringing her hands but afraid to get involved. _

_Esmel kept backing up as he drew closer, swinging something in his hand, she finally backed against the wall of the living room. "Stop!" she cried as she was wedged between two bookcases now with nowhere to go. _

_Gasping for air she screamed as he swung his hand at her face, she turned to the left and felt something cutting through her skin as she flinched to the right. She put her hand up to her throat and felt warm, slick blood running down her neck, the air smelled of copper. She slowly slid to the floor, unable to speak. She heard her mother yelling, "I thought you just wanted to scare her!" He roughly pushed her away and grabbed his daughter's right hand laying it on the floor. He took the cleaver that he had used to so neatly slice her throat and cut off her ring finger. He took the bloody ring and threw it across the room. He continued to scream at her as she slowly saw the room go black. _

She looked at Jayne, long past the point of crying now, so she thought. Benu reached out and brushed tears from her face she had not realized were there. She squeezed River's hand. "Thank you for giving me energy." Everyone in the room looked stunned. "What…what happened after that?" Kaylee asked, "You didn't bleed to death, cause you're here."

"No I didn't. When I woke, I have no idea how much time had passed, I was in a monastery of sorts. The sisters had managed to save me with blood and a little magic. It was then I discovered my ability to 'see things'. I stayed there till I was well enough to leave. I went back to my parent's house and they were gone. Everything was gone, just an empty house. Sitting on one of the shelves was the ring, my engagement ring."

She pulled out a chain that was secured around her neck, on it was the ring. "I wear it always as a reminder of how savage life can truly be."

Jayne slowly stood, jaw and fists clenched and walked out of the room. Esmel frowned, "He needs to know, all actions have consequences."

She looked at her guests, "I think I will retire now. I am very tired. Salas will make sure you have all that you need for the evening."

Benu helped her up and as she started to step he felt her falter. He put his arm around her waist and guided her to her room, shutting the door behind them. He carefully laid her on the bed, looking at her smiling face. He leaned down and kissed her, she touched his face. "Stay." She whispered. He nodded and helped her undress; shortly they were lying face to face. "My Benu, all the love that I thought I felt for him in that time pales to how I feel about you at this moment." He caressed her face and kissed her passionately. She returned his passion while his hands roamed her body; her moans were like music to his ears. When their passion was spent, she finally allowed herself to cry. He held her and cried with her, for their love and their loss.

"I'm sorry for all that has happened to you Esmel." He kissed the tears from her face.

"The lesson for you my love, is that if I had not lived through that, all of the pain and anger. I would have never met you. I would have lived on that planet with Jayne and worked in the market the rest of my life. Instead I am here with you spending the happiest years I could have ever imagined. Even when things seem darkest, there is a reason. You may not see it then, but it will all become clear in the Goddess' time. You have to believe that Benu."

"I will try, my love."

Sometime later, after she was asleep he heard a soft knock at the door. He reached out with his mind to see who it was. He was not surprised; he got up without disturbing her and pulled on his robe. He slipped out the door and stared at Jayne. "What do you want?" he whispered.

"I want to talk to her." Jayne growled he was irritated that this man was not intimidated by him at all.

"She is sleeping and will stay that way till the morning. You may speak with her then."

"You….love her don't you?" Jayne crossed his arms.

"More than you could ever possibly comprehend."

"There was a time I felt that way about her too."

"The difference is I won't leave her for any reason. If I had the option I would rather die in her place." He stepped close to Jayne, standing eye to eye with him, "If you upset her one little bit in her last few days, you and I will have an issue. Do I make myself clear?"

Normally Jayne would have just killed him and left him there, but he knew Esmel loved him. He chewed his lip and backed away, "I just want to talk to her tomorrow." His voice was very low.

Benu nodded, "After breakfast I will arrange for an audience."

"Thank you." Jayne turned and left, grinding his teeth.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback! It is a great thing and I really appreciate it. Please let me know what you think of this one, I need to know if I am moving in the right direction.

I think that so far this is my favorite chapter of this story.

I don't own our friends on Serenity, just having some fun.

Firefly Fanfiction

By: Redelflady

**Chapter 7**

Jayne walked outside, wandering around the grounds in the dim light of the moon. His hand ached and so did his heart. He would never admit this to anyone, no one would ever be permitted see him that weak. He turned when he heard footsteps behind him.

"Go away!" he snarled.

"Why?" River asked. "I can't see why? Hurt someone who loved you so much?"

She bent down and picked an Astrid and put it in his hand.

He studied the flower, "Hard to 'splain. I forgot a lot of it, not sure why, but I did."

"You were disappointed in yourself. That you left her, left everyone."

"Maybe. I don't know." He threw up his hand in frustration the Astrid falling to the ground.

"Do you not see that you are all around her?" River gracefully jumped up on the stone bench. She opened her arms wide. "Look around you ape man. What do you see?"

"Dark. It's night goofy." He frowned at her. He was not really in the mood for this.

She pointed to the flowers, "What do you see there?"

"Look, I'm tired."

"LOOK JAYNE!" She screamed, making him take a step back. "WHAT DO YOU SEE?"

"Flowers……Astrids." His voice faltered at his pet name for her.

"And what do you see there?" she pointed in another direction.

"Garden."

"What's _in_ the garden?"

"Vegetables." What he used to sell in the market where they first met.

"What do you see there?" she pointed in another direction.

"The Temple."

"What decoration is _on_ the Temple?"

"Waves of different……metal." Like the ring he promised to marry her with.

River jumped down from the bench and walked closer to him.

"In all these years, you were always in her mind, even when she didn't know it." She touched his chest cautiously. "Always in her heart. She never forgot you. Don't know why though." River danced away, "I would have just found you and killed you."

"Can't wait till you start dating……" Jayne muttered.

"You will see her in the morning then. Talk and you want to see if she still loves you. Why?" River squatted under a tree and tilted her head to the side looking at the moon.

"I….No!" Jayne snarled. "Get out of my head!"

River stood up and did a cartwheel. "She….." she stopped and her face became pale. "She's in pain, a lot of pain. Head hurting. Crying. Bleeding." River sprinted to the temple, Jayne followed trying to keep up. River ran through the sitting area and threw open the door to her private quarters. Benu sat up at the very unusual intrusion, "River, it's late." He mumbled. "She's in pain, much pain!!" River ran to Esmel and turned on the light. The Priestess was so pale, a look of unfathomable pain on her face, sweating, her nose bleeding. Her breaths were short and shallow.

Benu grabbed her hand, "Esmel. Wake up." She didn't stir.

River gently took her injured wrist and touched her skin trying to take away what was hurting her. River's head snapped up at the flood of pain that shot through her. She bared her teeth in agony. "Jayne." She hissed. "Help me please, help her." She held out her other shaking hand, she could barely take this feeling of hurt. Jayne eyed her suspiciously, but stepped closer and offered his hand. He looked at Esmel as River grasped his hand, he took a sharp breath. The overwhelming feeling of sadness washed over him, ache and pain, tears and loss. He could feel this illness that was killing her, felt it in his brain, felt it all over him, how could she survive feeling all of this? He felt the tide lessen as he saw Benu place his hand on her head and try to take some of the pain from her as well. Jayne found he could actually see in her memory; see the things that she had seen. He saw himself as a young man in love with his Astrid. He saw them walking in the woods at night, holding hands. He saw her heart break when she heard he had left. He felt her terror and shame when her father attacked her. Her first meeting with Benu, how she had blushed under his stare. The first time he kissed her and how her heart fluttered.

The Priestess stirred, her eyes opened and her breathing evened out to a normal rate. River gingerly laid her injured arm back across her body. She looked at Jayne and released his hand. "Thank you." She said quietly. Jayne nodded, staring at the Esmel laying in the big bed, blood running down her face. River walked to the bathroom and brought back a wet rag. Benu took it from her with a nod, "Thank you both. I did not hear her in my sleep. I usually can feel it when she is in pain." He frowned as he cleaned her face.

"I didn't want you to." Esmel whispered.

His hand stopped his gentle dabbing, "Why my love?"

"I am tired of this hurt, it is constant now. It is an effort just to move, I thought if I laid here long enough……" She closed her eyes as a tear ran down her face.

River reached out and stroked her face, "You want peace. To be without the pain. Forever."

"No. Esmel no….." Benu kissed her forehead, "You can't leave yet. I'm not ready for you to go next week. You can't ever do this again, if you are in pain you must let me know."

"I can't keep asking you and River to give me energy and take away my pain. That's not fair to either of you."

"I will call the Doctor and we will give you some pain medication. So that you can be comfortable." Benu finished wiping her face.

"Call now please. I feel the pain is coming back." She winced.

Benu got up and walked to the living area leaving River and Jayne with her. Esmel looked at Jayne so sadly, "Thank you."

"I….. I'm sorry for what I did to you Astrid. I know that ain't gonna make it right, but I shouldn't have left you." He still had her emotions in his head and the feeling of sadness was not going away anytime soon.

River took Jayne by the hand and pulled him closer to Esmel. She again became a conduit to take away the pain and again Jayne could see her memories and feel her illness. This time he was more prepared he tried to will the illness away, but the pain endured.

Benu walked back in the room, "The Doctor will be here shortly. You two should go, he is Alliance, and we don't need any entanglements right now."

Jayne nodded and pulled River back away from Esmel. "Come on. You can come back later." She reluctantly let go of the Priestess. "It's alright River. Thank you for your help." She nodded at Jayne. He smiled back at her, pulling River out of the room. "Come on, you need to get back to your room before the Alliance comes knockin'." River half heartedly tried to pull away, but let him drag her to her room. He knocked on the door until Simon answered, half asleep. "Here." He pushed River into him. "Alliance doctor is coming, keep her under wraps."

He then woke Mal to make sure he was aware of how close they were to danger.

Jayne then went to his room. Once inside he leaned heavily against the closed door and shut his eyes. He took a deep breath and sighed, these feelings they were so alien to him. He had shut out so many things that very day he left, he had learned to push the emotions away, if he hadn't he would have given the money back and stayed. He frowned as his hand started throbbing, keeping pace with his heartbeat.

He walked over to the bed and collapsed on his back, uninjured hand thrown over his head. He had felt a lot of pain in his day, been shot, stabbed, beat up and knocked out. But never had he felt such pain as he did coming from Esmel. Such mental and physical anguish, how could she bear all of that and still manage to live? He thought about what River had said, how there were reminders of him everywhere, reminders that she might not have even realized. He fell into a deep sleep lying there and slept dreamless through the night.

The older Doctor was very sympathetic to the Priestess, he was a parishioner at the Temple. They were all aware of her aliment and of her impending death. He started an IV in her hand and bandaged her injured wrist in a fashion he felt was more appropriate. "You should have called me when she hurt her wrist." He clucked at Benu.

"I….asked him not to. It is nothing Abraham." She whispered.

"I didn't ask you to speak young lady. You rest and let us handle this." He patted her shoulder.

After a few minutes, he inserted a syringe in the IV line, injected and then flushed the line. He stepped back watching her face, the look of pain was shortly replaced with relief. The Doctor and Benu watched as she finally drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

He gave Benu instructions on some pain killers to give her. They discussed the upcoming week and as always the Doctor offered any assistance he could provide to Benu. His wife had died years ago and he well remembered the pain of that loss. As soon as the IV was done, he removed the needle and bandaged the spot.

"If you need me please don't hesitate to call. The only reason I am not here more is her request to handle this without my help."

Benu nodded, "She is very determined our Priestess."

He showed the doctor out and then returned to her bedroom. He pulled a chair up close to her side of the bed and just watched her sleep. There would not be many more chances to watch her do anything. He eventually fell asleep in the chair, watching his beloved finally sleeping in peace.

He woke to the warm feeling of hands on his face. Benu opened his eyes to see Esmel sitting up and smiling at him her hands touching his cheeks. "Good morning my sweet." She whispered.

"You look wonderful." He whispered kissing her hands.

"I feel much better. Thank you." She stood up carefully, smiling even more when she didn't feel lightheaded. He stood up and followed her to the living area where breakfast was being served. The crew greeted her as she entered, she bowed to them.

"I see you are feeling better this morning Priestess." Simon approached her. "Are you on some prescription medications?"

She nodded, "I have to thank your sister and Jayne for helping me last night. The pain was….overwhelming."

Mal looked at Zoe and back at the Priestess. "Jayne helped you?" he asked curiously.

Jayne looked up from his food, "Only cause the crazy girl went ruttin' wild. Didn't know what she was doin'. _Somebody_ had to keep an eye on her while _he_ was sleepin'." Jayne pointed his fork at Simon. Jayne eyed Esmel out of the corner of his eyes, she did look better, actually healthy. He grunted and continued eating.

River was unusually quiet at breakfast, Esmel was concerned that the previous night's events had been too much for her. As the room cleared and the crew headed out for their chores, she called to River in her mind, "Are you alright young one?"

River shook her head, "Talk, I need to…..we need to talk. Alone, please."

"Come with me to the temple."

"No." River interrupted, "Let's walk outside. Nice air, open." She looked up at Esmel.

"Alright River."

"Simon, River and I would like to chat. We will be outside."

River walked ahead of Esmel, her head down. When they were outside the temple, River turned to her, "I need to tell you something. All floating in my head, it hurts." River absently rubbed her forehead. "The…..monastery. After you were hurt, not a monastery. Alliance…..Academy, like the one…..I was in."

River squatted down and sighed. Picking up a leaf and throwing it up, watching the wind make it float. She looked back up at Esmel. "Do you remember? Not _Nuns_. Not _Brothers_. Doctors."

Esmel shook her head, something was there, but what? She reached out her mind to see what was on the very edge of her mind. Her eyes went wide, she looked down at River, "Two by two….."

"Hands of blue." River whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for all of the great feedback, I appreciate it very much!

I like to know what ya'll think and if the direction I am being led is the right path.

I don't own our friends on Serenity, just having some fun!

Firefly Fanfiction

By: Redelflady

**Chapter 8**

Esmel was in shock. "You saw them? Tell me what else, help me remember. Please."

River shook her head and stood up, "You will scream, cry and be….angry. So much to…So much for _us_ to remember." she sighed. She knew that this was to be, she had seen it, but she was afraid. "See water?" River pointed to the pond beyond the temple.

Esmel nodded, "Yes, why?"

"Go there, sit down, we will remember together." River spun around and stopped at the sight of a bird. "He will lead us to the spot."

Esmel knew she needed her help to remember and was somewhat at the young girl's mercy. She walked behind as River followed the brightly colored bird to a rose bush near the pond. There they sat under a large shade tree, facing each other, legs crossed, knees almost touching. A cool breeze fluttered in the leaves of the old tree.

"You sure you want to know?" River tilted her head and stared at the Priestess. "It won't be ….. long now. Do you need to know?"

"Yes, I _need_ to know. Help me remember River." She pleaded.

River offered her both hands and Esmel took hold, careful of her bandaged wrist.

Jayne had watched them walk out to the pond, he wasn't sure what was going on, but he was sure _someone_ needed to keep an eye on them. Benu was performing the service in the temple, everyone else was working somewhere on the grounds. He followed at a distance, trying to keep them in sight while staying out of their sight. He saw them sit under the big tree and hold hands. He sighed, what new chaos was this gonna cause?

He walked a little closer and stood behind a bush, close enough to hear them. He could hear Wash and Zoe laughing in the barn nearby. Kaylee talking to children out playing in the field. Mal commenting on Shepherd's stories as they worked in the garden. Lots of ambient noises but his attention was focused on the two before him, holding hands.

River and Esmel started the communication slowly, River wanted to make sure that she didn't hurt her. "We have to …to see that….morning." River said cautiously with her mind. "I know, I'm ready." Esmel responded. They both relived the experience of Esmel's father attacking her, River could feel her tense. They both tried to push through the darkness of her passing out. There were traces of conversation, "…killed her!"

"Shut up. Call…" Like pieces of a dream just bits of words were floating in her mind. "Doctor….fix…" she could now identify the voices, it was her Mother. "Not supposed to happen." Now her Father, "Keep her…. will sign … form. Don't care…. what you do with her." Now a voice she thought was one of the Nuns at the monastery, "The process could kill her." And her Father again, "We don't care." Esmel's eyes closed tighter. River could feel her hurt, she squeezed her hands a little tighter.

The voices and images started to flow a little faster, the Brother was most certainly a Doctor. "But how…" Esmel wondered. River answered, "They planted false memories. Two by two….."

"Hands of blue." Esmel finished.

Esmel saw River leaving home for the Academy, sad to be leaving, happy for a new experience. Simon watching her leave, uncertain how she will fair without him. Their memories real and fake started to intertwine, melding together. It was hard to tell where River started and Esmel ended.

The experiments started and so did the pain. Esmel winced as needles were injected. River gasped at the feel of intrusion. Fluids injected in her arms, some in her brain. The flow of information was faster now, like watching a movie. Men with blue gloves flashed in and out of the pictures. They were testing her ability to read when she hurt a nurse, the force of her mind causing the woman to faint. Esmel was given a shot in the jugular to make her stop. But she couldn't stop, they had given her so many drugs. Someone finally hit her from behind. Now she saw River sitting in a chair tied down, IV running in her hand. "No." River thought, "Not that." She tried to stop the images but they were coming even faster. Their hands were getting warm from the flow of energy between them. Both of them were breathing faster. Esmel saw another Doctor inject her with something that made her scream, it burned as it ran through her body. River moaned as she saw someone put something in an IV and she began to squirm, it made every inch of her cold. Their memories and thoughts were blending, integrating. Conversations from each of them were bleeding together. "You be a good girl….." "This won't hurt for long…." "You are amazingly limber…" "She has cancer now." Sarah reached for this conversation, she wanted to hear it, learn more. "The combination of drugs has now given her cancer." Said the 'Nun'. "We have permission to do what we want until we don't need her anymore." Replied the 'Brother'. River helped her with viewing what happened. The Doctors discussed her fate as if she were some pet past her prime. "We could dispose of her now. She will be of no use to us sick." "Turn her loose, let her live out what time she has, we have kept her for 7 years." "What if she remembers? What if her parents find out?" Esmel felt the woman gently stroke her face, "We will give her implanted memories. It is the least she deserves. We have limited her life, let her have _some_ free will." The male Doctor shook his head, "You always did get attached. We can tell the parents she passed away. After all they did sign the release."

River saw pictures flashed in front of her eyes, pictures of people, places, memories of those around her, conversations, "She is so powerful. Watch out." Test and more tests and needles. Painful shocks and aches. "I hope she doesn't get sick from this." "Doesn't matter by then she will have performed…." Both of them were breathing faster, each living through each others thoughts and visions, their hands were sweating now as the flow of energy was stronger. River started to feel something new flow from Esmel, betrayal, it was a soul rending pain. River gasped at her feelings, abandonment, sorrow and……..anger.

Jayne was close now, watching them communicate without speaking, he was mesmerized.

There seemed to be a humming sound around them, like electricity. Butterflies that were around earlier had left, the breeze in the tree had stopped. He didn't like the look on either of their faces, both of them seemed to be in pain. Jayne debated getting Benu, but then he would have to admit he had followed them. He might just wait and see what happened.

River tried to stop, but the more anger Esmel had, the more she seemed to magnify it back, each unable to stop reflecting the emotions of the other. "River." Esmel managed to get through the wall of energy, "Stop, I…." She could feel the anger starting to overtake her. "I can't." River shouted back, making Esmel flinch. The hum around them got louder, the old tree started to vibrate. Jayne couldn't watch this anymore, both of them were in pain, the air around them felt alive. He walked over to them, "Hey, you two get up." He demanded.

There was no response, except for the low humming. Jayne could feel the hairs on his arms start to stand up. "HEY!" he yelled, "Stop it!" Again there was no response.

He looked around, there was no one else nearby. He growled and reached down putting a hand on each of their shoulders. Neither acknowledged him or moved. He tried to tug them apart, but they were like statues, not moving. They both had tears running down their faces. Jayne scowled and walked behind River, knelt down and slipped his arms around her waist. He swiftly picked her up and away, breaking their connection. River slumped in his arms.

He glanced over at Esmel, she tilted her head back, panting as more tears escaped her now opened eyes. Jayne took a step back with River, gently laying her on the ground. He stood up and saw Esmel take a deep breath and scream. It was a sound like he had never heard, the sound of a soul so injured that it was decaying right in front of him. The scream continued far past what he though she could breathe. He had to make this sound stop, it hurt not just his ears but his insides, his very being ached.

He approached Esmel and grimaced as the sound continued. He leaned down and touched her shoulder. She suddenly stopped and jerked away from him, falling over. She was crying so hard she couldn't catch her breath. She lay there gasping, thinking that she would die at any minute. She would welcome that sweet relief from this misery, but it was not to be, the torment did not diminish.

"Astrid." Jayne knelt down, "Give me your hand." He reached out. She shook her head unable to speak, throat raw, breaths still jagged. He frowned and grabbed her hand as she was shaking trying to tell him no.

As soon as he touched her skin, Jayne's head snapped up and all of what she had seen and felt flowed through him. His grip was so tight on her hand she couldn't pull away. She tried to shut down her mind so the tide of information would stop, but she was far too weak.

Jayne felt every pain, emotion and thought that she and River had managed to stir up. He felt like he was watching a movie, except he could actually feel what was happening.

The pain was worse than before, this was much more emotional and he was not used to that. His eyes finally opened when River pried his fingers from Esmel's hand. When the connection was broken, Jayne collapsed with a grunt.

"I did this to you." Jayne said staring at the Priestess still on the ground, breathing easier but still unable to speak.

Esmle turned to look at him; her eyes were so dull, almost lifeless. She nodded ever so slightly and turned away. She shakily stood up and braced herself on the tree, glancing at some of the temple workers headed their way. Her scream had attracted the attention of many.

She turned and started walking towards the woods behind the pond, taking off her ceremonial robes.

"Esmel!" River called, "Don't go. Come back. Benu is on his way."

She shook her head and disappeared in the woods behind the pond, her under gown dragging the ground behind her. Jayne tried to get up but found that he was dizzy. "You should rest." River whispered as she helped him stand. Benu and Simon along with several of the Fledglings approached.

"Where is she? What happened?" Benu demanded as he looked frantically around for Esmel.

"River, what happened?" Simon held her hands. "We…..were remembering. We couldn't let go Simon." River's eyes were starting to tear. "They gave her this…this sickness. Simon, she is sick because of the Alliance. She …. She was in an academy too. Just like me!"

"Are you sure?" Simon wiped her face very gently, trying not to let River feel how panicked he was at this news.

"Yes! They…..put needles in our brain!"

Benu turned to her. "They did what?"

"Her parents gave her away… to the Alliance. They didn't want her anymore. They did….awful things. Gave her the gift and the sickness. Then turned her lose like a rabid dog."

River was wringing her hands, "Hurts." She said pitifully.

"I can't see where she is." Benu said staring at the woods.

She tilted her head for a moment. "No. She is…..she won't let us find her. She will come back when she is ready. But….."

River took two steps towards the woods and stopped. "What is it?" Simon whispered.

"Her heart….it…. it's not beating right. I…." River put a hand to her chest. "It hurts, her throat hurts, mind and soul."

She turned to Jayne, "You did this." She said with no emotion at all.

"I ruttin' know that. Don't you think I know that now?" Jayne yelled.

River grasped her chest again, "Her heart…..her heart is shattered." She looked at Benu, "Now her being is broken. Jayne you need to find her."

He turned to her, "I can't….. she don't wanna see me."

"You can track her, Benu can't….. Go get her monkey man!" River was starting to get irritated.

"I'll go with you." Benu told Jayne, "Simon take River back to the Temple and look after, her. Please let everyone know things are alright and we will back with the Priestess shortly."

"No Benu, she doesn't want to see you now. Just Jayne." River smiled sadly at him. "She…loves you so much, but their business is unfinished."

Benu shook his head, "I don't like it."

Jayne growled, "I don't neither, but I…….she and I need to talk. I'll bring her right back as soon as I find her."


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you all for feedback, it is greatly appreciated. I like to know that I am headed in the right direction. Your feedback helps me with my thought process.

I don't own the rights to our friends on Serenity, just having some fun.

Firefly Fanfiction

By: Redelflady

Chapter 9

Benu and the rest of the gathered group headed back to the Temple. Jayne shook his head and started tracking Esmel. He could see where her gown had bent blades of grass, but soon he was in the forest and there was no grass only leaves. He was beginning to get irritated when he just stopped and listened to the sounds around him. Birds were singing, the wind was rustling through the tree tops, crickets were chirping and he could almost hear…..the sound of crying. He tried hard to focus on that one sound and after a few minutes headed in the direction that he thought it originated from.

As the forest grew somewhat darker, he saw a form laying on the ground. He stopped and sighed, she was covered in leaves and dirt, her nose was bleeding and gown was ripped.

"Astrid." Jayne said with such concern.

"Go away." She managed to croak, her throat damaged from earlier.

"Benu is worried about you, lots of 'em are worried." He walked slowly over to her.

She groaned and rubbed her forehead, "Just go." She whispered, still crying.

"I'm not leavin' without you Astrid." He stood over her hands on his hips.

"Don't call me that." She tried to sit up, but failed in her effort. He reached down and she slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me."

He knelt down next to her, "You need help. Let me help you back to the temple."

"I wouldn't need help Jayne, if it weren't for you." She was so angry and she needed him to feel that anger. "If you hadn't left me, can you imagine what our lives would have been like?"

He shook his head, "No. Never thought about it." He lied. "No point in thinkin' about what ain't to be Esmel. I can tell you I'm sorry till I can't talk no more, but it ain't gonna change nothin'. What's done is done."

"You killed me." She groaned, "You killed me just as if you put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. But if you hadn't taken that course of action, I wouldn't be here. I really should have died back then, after the attack." She squinted against the pain starting in her head again.

"Don't say that! You….you helped lots of folks. You gotta man there in the Temple waitin' for you. He loves you. And here you are wasting time that you could be spendin' with him." Jayne reached over and helped her sit up, He would never show it, but her words cut him to his soul and she was much too exhausted to read him.

She looked at him, their faces only inches apart, "Tell me Jayne," She whispered, "Was there a time you ever loved me? Really?"

He reached out and brushed a leaf from her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes. I did. But when your Pa offered me all that money to leave, I couldn't say no. It was more money than I could have ever earned working in the market. More than I could have ever earned on that rock doin' anything. It gave me access to the whole 'verse. So I took the money and just left. He said he would tell you, but I never thought…… he would do that." Jayne traced the scar with his finger. He pulled out his shirt and wiped her face off. "Even with dirt on ya, you're still beautiful."

"This was a mistake." She whispered, "I should have never asked River to help me remember, it was a silly, human thing to do. There was no point in it, now I've…." She rubbed her forehead again, "I've changed the course of things."

He grabbed her shoulders and stood her up with him, she was surprised when he hugged her. "I could take the rest of my gorram life to tell you I'm sorry and it wouldn't be enough. I am sorry for what happened to you because of me."

She laid her head on his chest, "Learn from all of this Jayne please. Learn that your actions have consequences, everything you do affects someone, somehow. Apparently that's something that I am still learning."

He picked her up in his arms and started retracing his steps back out of the forest.

"I have to live Esmel, I do what I have to so that I can survive." He shifted her in his arms, "I don't always do nice things but I gotta live."

"Jayne, killing someone over a woman is not necessary." She frowned at him.

"Says you." He grunted.

She sighed, "I have made a mess of things in my weakness." She rubbed her hand over her face and sighed, looking at the fresh blood on her hand. "I'm bleeding again."

"There's a rag in my back pocket, ain't too dirty." He stopped for a moment to get his bearings.

"I can walk you know." She pulled the rag out of his pocket and pinched her nose with it.

"If I let you walk you're gonna fall down and get even more dirty and whatever. You ain't that heavy." He started walking again finally seeing the edge of the pond ahead.

She rested her head on his shoulder, "I'm tired." She mumbled.

"Runnin' around in the woods like a crazy woman will do that." He snorted.

"Jayne, promise me something please." Her voice was getting weaker.

"What? Nothin' stupid though."

"Take care of River, as long…….as you…….can."

He glanced down at her as her head slumped over, her hand falling in her lap.  
He stopped, "Esmel?" There was no response.

He shook her gently, "Esmel." He said louder.

"Gorram it." He started jogging out of the woods. As soon as he rounded the pond he saw Benu running towards them.

When they met, Benu took her from Jayne. "Thank you for bringing her back. I have called for the Doctor, please help keep River under control."

Jayne nodded and ran behind him into the Temple. Mal and the rest of the crew were heading up to their rooms. River stopped and looked at him, "Better?" she asked.

"Better about what?" he growled as he walked by her.

She walked faster trying to keep up with him, "You and she talked. Are you better?'

"Just peachy." He snapped as he walked in his room and slammed the door.

Benu laid Esmel on the bed brushing her hair out of her face. He looked up as the Doctor walked in, "She's in a lot of pain again."

The Doctor looked at Benu, "What happened? She is filthy."

"She decided to wander in the forest today and got lost."

The Priestess was injected with a painkiller and soon she was sleeping peacefully.

"Benu, you must take better care of her. Don't let her go anywhere without someone close." The doctor scolded him.

"I will make sure she is always accompanied." Benu nodded.

"I have heard there were strangers staying in the temple. Is this the best time for guests?"

"I said the same thing, but when the priestess insists. They are friends of hers from years ago. Here to say their goodbyes."

"If you need me again, please let me know." The Doctor patted him on the shoulder.

"I will. Thank you again for coming."

Once they were alone, Benu laid on the bed next to her, just staring. She looked peaceful, dirty but peaceful. A few hours later he woke to find her staring at him. He smiled and touched her face. "I really, really need to bathe Benu."

"Yes my love, you really, really do."

They both laughed. He helped her up and into the shower.

Jayne showered, enjoying the feel of warm water running down his body. He was not accustomed to such a luxury. He pulled on clean shorts and was just about to fall asleep, still pondering the events of the day, when he heard his door open. He grasped the gun lying next to him on the bed.

Laying perfectly still he was tensed like a spring ready to jump.

"I know you're awake." River whispered.

"What do you want River?" he snapped.

"I can't read her. The weaker she gets the harder it is." River stood over by the window in the streaming moons light, staring at him. "What did she say?"

"Just that she had changed things, by doin' what she did, havin' you help her remember."

River sat down in a chair and looked out the window.

"Do you mind, I'm tryin' to sleep?" he pulled his blanket up and glared at her.

"I saw so many things today." She rubbed her forehead, "People… we are so contradictory. So confusing. Things have changed, Benu can see it. But….I think all things will be as they are supposed to be." She sighed.

"Will Esmel still die?" his words hung in the silent room.

"Yes. Sooner than expected." River nodded and quietly left the room.


End file.
